I’ve not posted anything to this page in almost a year. To be honest, there are so many things I want to say but I’m afraid to say them. Am I the only one who feels like 2021 wasn’t any easier than 2020? I can’t count how many times I thought in 2020 – “I’m so over this year. It can’t be over soon enough” only to wander into a new version of the unrest I felt last year.
I have fundamentally…at my very core…changed in the past 24 months more than I’ve ever changed in my life. The things that are important to me have changed. The things I will tolerate have changed. I feel like I’m looking at the world and those around me without blinders for the first time in my life. I also feel what a friend beautifully labeled a “collective awakening” around me, so many people I know are going through this fundamental change in their lives and breaking generational traumas.
This year has been the year where I’m learning what I will no longer bring or allow in my life. I’ve learned boundaries and how I want to have firm, yet loving boundaries. I’ve also learned those who don’t respect my boundaries have benefited the most from my lack of them.
This year has been hard.
As I embark on the year that will make my half century in this life, I’m just finally coming to terms with what I want out of this life and the feelings of that realization are so mixed. On one hand it feels good to know where I want to go but on the other hand, I feel like I’ve wasted so much time pursuing all the wrong things and people that bring nothing to my life.
Are you experiencing these same feelings this year? I’d love to hear your thoughts.